October 19, 2013 by Jen Cudmore
One book I found particularly helpful in understanding my husband was For Women Only by Shaunti Feldman. She tackles the topic of respect from a man’s perspective, reminding the reader that men process life differently than females. I was impressed with how well she broke down the subject and gave specific examples.
She stated most men would rather feel unloved than disrespected. They want unconditional respect, and if they feel a lack of admiration from their wives, they will feel unloved by their wives. We must choose to trust and honor them.
Men show anger and irritation when they feel disrespected. They are afraid of being (or appearing to others) as inadequate. With their wives, they should be able to fully let their guard down. They don’t do that with any other person, so we must count that as a privilege.
Shaunti presented a list of exactly what it means to respect men.
1) Respect his judgment. Accept his knowledge, opinions, and decisions. Defer to him and his way of doing things rather than trying to take over or tell him what to do.
2) Respect his abilities. Let him do it. Trust him to figure it out on his own. When he does, he’ll feel like he conquered something, and that’s a need deep-rooted in a man’s heart.
3) Respect him in communication. Be careful about offhand comments and don’t nag (he heard you the first time).
4) Respect him in public. No criticizing, teasing, or questioning his judgment in front of anyone because it makes him appear weak, especially to other men. Find out what he’s okay with you saying in public. And when he’s not around, praise him.
5) Respect him in our assumptions. Allow him to have separate priorities from yours. Remember, just because he doesn’t choose to help doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you – he probably didn’t notice. When you disagree, accept part of the blame rather than pinning the issue on him.
Women have incredible power over their men. We can either build them up or tear them down. It’s important to demonstrate that we’re proud of our husbands. When they feel respected, they are happy to slay dragons for us.
“If a man’s wife believes in him, he can conquer the world – or at lease his little corner of it.”
©Jen Cudmore, 2013 ___ Subscribe to my blog or my email newsletter on the right side of the page!