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Coming Clean About My Current Marriage Struggles

8

April 11, 2015 by Jen Cudmore

Good morning, friends. I want to thank you again for your loyalty to my blog despite my sporadic posts over the past several months!

I’ve decided to change directions for a little while and I hope I can count on you for support. Only a few dear friends know that my marriage has been in trouble over the past year, and I’ve decided to “come clean” and share a few things with you. Not TMI kind of details, but general issues that I’ve been struggling to overcome. Great women leaders such as Lysa Terkherst, Debbie Alsdorf, Beth Moore and Vicki Courtney all advocate sharing your mess rather than hiding it, and it’s time to share mine.

confessWe need to talk to each other about our troubles because we all struggle with something. The enemy loves to keep us isolated from each other so we are less effective in serving God. Yet Jesus said in this life we would have trouble (John 16:33). No one is exempt – the rain falls on the righteous as well as the unrighteous (Matthew 5:45). So why don’t we talk about our troubles?

Most Christians are afraid to discuss their personal struggles because they don’t want to be judged or rejected for their weaknesses. And sadly, there are too many times when we condemn each other or walk away rather than offering grace and mercy. Or our pride prevents us from speaking up – we don’t want to take the chance that anyone would think badly of us; we want to appear as though we have it all together (which is not scriptural!)

So we don’t talk to each other. We pretend we’re fine and suffer in silence.

I thought I was doing pretty good, since I have half a dozen fabulous friends who have consistently encouraged me in this season of life. Yet it’s become increasingly clear to me over the past couple weeks that God now wants me to speak out to more than just a few friends. My husband has encouraged me to share how we’re trying to figure things out and press through this rough season of life in hopes that we can be an inspiration to other struggling couples.

But sharing your sins and sorrows is scary stuff, because you risk rejection and condemnation. When I mentioned to a few people that my marriage was in trouble, they responded with silence. They haven’t called to check on me, haven’t offered any encouragement. And that stings a little.

But everyone else has been quick to show they care, that they are available if I want to talk, that they are genuinely praying for me (as opposed to just saying they will). I’ve realized there are more loving people out there than those who criticize, and that gives me courage.

Scripture says that God “comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (I Corinthians 1:4)

MarriageTrialsThat is my goal in sharing my struggles. Lately my marriage has been far from happy, and some days Tim and I just don’t have a clue how to move forward. I simply want to connect with others who are going through the same trials we’re enduring. I know there must be other wives out there who have remained silent about their own marriage issues. There is no condemnation here, no criticism, judgement or rejection. We are all sinners saved by grace, right?

Let me encourage you (and myself!) that there is always hope, even in the worst of circumstances. We serve a God who gives life to what is dead (Romans 4:17). Come along with me as I share my heart. We need each other. There is strength in numbers – you are not alone!

 

For more details, you can visit my new page:  Marriage Trials

 


 

©Jen Cudmore 2015, All Rights Reserved   #staymarried

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8 comments

  1. Amy says:

    What a great post Jen. You say everything so perfectly. No wonder you’re an amazing writer!

  2. Praying for you gal! I do know we go through seasons in marriage, as in all aspects of our lives. Let me know if you ever want to talk. :)

  3. Anita says:

    Oh, how I could have done with a Jen some 20 years ago. You both can count on my prayerful support. Belssings to you both.

  4. Candy says:

    I think its good to share cause so many times you think your alone and nobody else is struggling. I will be praying for you guys. There are lots of books and blogs that can help couples. Love you guys.

  5. Jessica says:

    Well said Jen!!! You are an inspiration to me even through your struggles. It’s definitely nice to know that there are others out there that are having the same struggles. Praying for you guys!! Hang in there:-)

  6. Jen Cudmore says:

    Thank you, ladies, for your sweet words. I could never get through this tough season without good friends!

  7. Matthew Smith says:

    This is a great blog! I know I’ve been a little more silent myself, but have continued to pray for you and Tim. I was really excited with your praise report on Sunday and know there’s going to be several more! Love you!

  8. becci gonzalez says:

    Jen (and Tim), I am glad to see the two of you working through this together. In this day and age, with more than 50% of marriages ending in divorce, staying in your marriage is NOT the popular decision. Leaving your spouse IS the easy way out, and unfortunately many people will support that decision. But that doesn’t make it right. The Bible tells us in many places that the road that leads to Christ is a very narrow one. It is not an easy path to follow, but it sure leads to more rewards! I am so proud of both of you for choosing the narrow road, even if it is more difficult. I love you both! Keep looking for the hope that lies ahead!

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