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What Keeps Us From Talking About Our Struggles In Marriage?


April 15, 2015 by Jen Cudmore

I’ve been fighting a lot of anxiety over the past few days.

Since I started sharing my marriage trials publicly on my blog, doubts keep attacking me like crazy. And while I believe God wants me to share my experiences, and I know the enemy is just trying to discourage me, I’m still afraid.

I mentioned it to my husband the other day, how fear was making me sick to my stomach. While we’ve had trouble getting along lately, he knows me better than anyone else. He encouraged me to stay calm and pray, because God wants to use our struggles to inspire others.

I felt better after talking with Tim. At least for a little while.


Yesterday I told Tim I was still pretty worried what people were going to say about my new blog posts. I expressed my  fears and asked if he thought it might be worth sharing them with all of you.

He said ‘yes’. Because all my insecurities are probably the same ones that have kept other couples from speaking up.

Finding courage to share our problems is not easy.

Can you relate to my anxiety? Do you find yourself…

~ Thinking about whether you really have anything to say that others will be interested in hearing?

~ Despairing that others will judge and condemn you because you haven’t been able to get it together?

~ Wondering if people will really see your heart, or just assume you only want attention and pity?

~ Fretting that this topic is too heavy, that people won’t want to discuss it because it’s too dark and depressing?

~ Worrying that no one will speak up about their own struggles, and you will be left hanging out there alone?

Yet God has not given us a spirit of fear or timidity (2 Tim 1:7).

God keeps reminding me to trust Him. To be anxious for nothing (Phil 4:6) because He’s got my back. People can say whatever they want to say about me and Tim, because ultimately He’s the One in charge of our reputation.

He told me again that I’m not alone – everyone struggles with something. Whether it’s addiction, complaining, legalism, arrogance, laziness, eating disorders, wasteful spending, negative entertainment, etc. We all have bad attitudes we need to surrender to God, and He’ll deal with us all in His time.

We must accept our weaknesses and embrace our brokenness, not hide them from the world for fear of rejection.

Have you ever heard a story where someone said they were healed by never sharing their problems, that their silence brought restoration? The enemy wants us to stay isolated from other people because he knows there is power in fellowship and community. Talking about struggles with people who really understand gives us the strength we need to endure our trials.

I’m not suggesting we all start a personal blog to chronicle our problems.

But I want to encourage you to talk with someone, whether it’s a godly friend, pastor, or counselor. And I hope you will eventually feel brave enough to comment on the topics I write about here as a way of encouraging others.

We can’t let fear keep us from talking with each other.


©Jen Cudmore 2015, All Rights Reserved

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  1. M. Luke says:

    Jen, a great share, yes I can say I’ve had many of those anxieties, however, maybe it comes with age, but at 50+ I’ve finally attained a confidence in my “ways” that regardless of what others think, and I’m leaning on and learning from God, and speak in love, others can think what they will. Proud of you!!!

  2. becci gonzalez says:

    i can understand how difficult it is to share our failings. We never want to admit that we have done something wrong (or failed at something). While I have not experienced the same struggles that you two are dealing with, what I can share is a lesson that I had to learn almost 30 years ago. I learned that God sees all of our sin the same. 27 years ago I had a child outside of wedlock. My actions were not only sin, but a very obvious, and visible sin. There was no hiding what I had done( although I tried for nearly 9 months). My church was wonderful and helped me in my healing. But the shame and embarrassment of failing and being discovered did not go away very easily. I felt that my sin was somehow worse than any one else, and I had a constant visual to remind me just in case i forgot! But as i prayed and continued to heal, I came to the realization that we ALL sin and make mistakes. And in God’s eyes, my sin was no better and no worse than anyone else. God did not view me as a worse person than the one who lied, cheated, swore, or thought about giving up on their marriage. As long as I ask God for forgiveness, and continue to try to follow Him, He does forgive and helps us heal. So we should not have to fear as we are transparent with our lives. Some people may judge our actions, But the only opinion that really matters is already waiting to forgive and bring us back into fellowship with Him. I hope that as you two work through this, you will find the healing that you need and find success and happiness with each other.

  3. Ada says:

    Sharing takes a lot of courage and it’s one thing satan does not want us to do as Christians .he holds us bondage when we act like everything is going well and we do not need help behind that attitude is the son of pride. sharing your trials allows God to triumph in them as well as its a great help to other Christians so they know we can go through tough trials even marriage problems as Christians and come through. God bless you daily as you share.

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