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The First Thing I Did Wrong In My Marriage…


April 18, 2015 by Jen Cudmore

I never understood how couples who claim to be Christians could allow themselves to go down the road toward divorce. After all, it’s not that hard to be kind and loving toward your spouse. Until it is.

I had no idea just how hard marriage can be for some couples, how complicated life could get when we’re not paying attention. When two sinners come together, unity and peace don’t come naturally – they have to work at it. Sinners saved by grace don’t get a special exemption just because they call themselves Christians.

Because of our old nature, it’s easy to remain blind to our own faults and not recognize bad attitudes. We don’t realize that we’ve gotten lazy, or that we’re putting our efforts into the wrong thing.


I actually believed at one point that my marriage was infallible, and my naivety has caused me a lot of regret. I grew up in the church and was the classic “good girl”. I was determined never to divorce, and I read twenty books on marriage to ensure I couldn’t fail. But I still messed it up. Looking back, it’s clear that I had a lot of knowledge, I just didn’t apply it correctly.

The first thing I did wrong was assume that it could never happen to me.


No two marriages are the same, and to say that being born-again exempts you from relationship trouble is a flat out lie. When we become Christians, we don’t automatically know how to be a good spouse, and we should not expect that growing up in church provides a guarantee for a good marriage. Like any area in life, relationship skills have to be learned.

What makes a marriage more prone to trouble than others?
  • We all have different types of baggage from our past, and different amounts of baggage.
  • We all have different personalities, some of which work well together and some which naturally clash.
  • Some of us had a good example of marriage to emulate, and others did not get so lucky.
  • Some of us are completely sold out to Christ, and some of us drag our feet a bit.
If I could just toss out one thought for everyone to ponder this week, it’s this: No marriage is infallible.

The enemy prowls around this earth looking for ways he can mess up our lives and make us ineffective in our faith. (1 Peter 5:8) With statistics showing that 50% of marriages end in divorce, what else can we conclude but that marriage (a picture of a perfect God) is under attack?

Let’s be proactive in protecting our marriage, no matter what season we’re in. Even if utter failure is right around the corner, we can still see victory if we don’t give up. Others have done it. So can we!

And if you aren’t in a battle to save your marriage, please – never assume you and your spouse won’t turn against each other.

Lysa TerKeurst has a great post today: When Your Husband Has Given Up

Join her 5 Day Prayer Challenge for your marriage!

I also loved this post by Jennifer O. White (a woman who divorced a pastor and now has written 2 books on praying over your marriage): 8 Prayers For Protection Over Your Marriage



©Jen Cudmore 2015, All Rights Reserved

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  1. tamara says:

    hmmm… thank you for this.. sounds like me… God bless you and putting my thoughts into words, reminding me I am loved (no matter what), a child of God and not alone. praying for you as well.! G

  2. Anita says:

    After 28 years my marriage ended. A devastating reality. A death of something I thought would last forever. It didn’t.
    I have remarried- the lessons learnt help me be the wife I am today.
    No matter how ‘happy’ I am today ( and I am) , the mourning for what ought to have been stays lingering in my heart.

    I see so many stranded marriages around me, struggling couples, fragile relationships. It breaks my heart.

    It occurs to me that the world we now live in – seems to focus on “my” happiness and not that of the partner. When did that focus shift?

    I do not have answers, nor am I in a position to advise or even judge.
    But what I can do – is pray!

    Blessings for you and your husband Jen.

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