Breathe. Just Breathe.
How many times in the past several months did I tell myself to simply focus on pulling air in and out of my lungs?
For those of us who have felt our marriage unraveling, we have days where we’re so overwhelmed by agony and despair that we can’t think straight. The pain of our spouse’s betrayal and the weight of misunderstandings are just too much to bear.
I’ve been told that the loss of a close relationship is harder to cope with than the death of a close family member. I agree with that statement. I walked the pathway of cancer with both my mom and my husband’s mom, watching them slowly fade until God called them home.
But that wasn’t as painful for me as the heartbreak of a failing marriage.
I had no idea a person could hurt like this.
Not just for days, but for weeks and months at a time. There have been days where I was so overwhelmed by emotion that all I could do was whisper the name of Jesus over and over in an effort to hold onto my sanity. There were …
Days where I curled up on the bathroom floor, too weak to stand, and cried my eyes out.
Days where I sat on the toilet, rocking back and forth in the dark and sobbing into my hands.
Days where I crawled under my desk at work, hid behind my chair, and wept silently into my elbow.
Nights where I lay in my bed, on the couch, or in our rocking chair and just let the tears flow into my pillow until there were none left.
Sometimes it’s all you can do just to breathe.
I wish I could tell you some cool trick to make the pain go away, but there isn’t one. We have to feel what we feel – we have to cry because keeping it locked up inside does too much harm.
But I did find the secret to coping with the pain: I cry in the arms my Savior.
I’ve shed many tears over the past year, but I can tell you that every time I felt God right there beside me. His fingers stroking my hair. His strong arms wrapped around me. His breath against my cheek as He held me close.
No matter where I was: lying on the floor, standing in the shower, driving in my car. He was always there. Every time.
It’s personal for Him, too. What Father enjoys watching His children suffer? He doesn’t stand back with His arms folded – He offers comfort. He hurts when we hurt.
Through this terrible ordeal of nearly losing my marriage, I have learned how to rest in the arms of my Savior like never before. I have learned what the scripture means when it says He is our Rock and our Refuge.
I pray the same for you, dear sister. Cry in the arms of your Savior.
©Jen Cudmore 2015, All Rights Reserved #staymarried
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